I WILL Survive

It started when I was 11....yep...all this drama started when I was an 11 year old little girl - and, I had no idea what I was in for.
Other than being awkwardly over developed for an 11-12 year old who was one of the first in her class to deal with the "ick" of her period....The first 2 years weren't so bad.

The trouble really started at 13....CRAMPS.

Cramps so bad I would stay home from school.
Cramps so bad I would cry and scream.
Cramps that made me dizzy and weak.
Cramps so bad I would sleep the pain away for at least 3 days a month.

It was determined I had the beginnings of endometriosis...maybe.  We never really got to the bottom of why I had such terrible cramps but, as I got older they either chilled out or, I learned to cope with the pain better...I'm not sure...but, they became less of a big deal every month so, we stopped investigating.

Up until this point, the "drama" I was facing from my cycle all seems pretty normal....right?
So what am I setting up this blog for?  What's the big deal? A little PMS?  nope...something MUCH bigger.

PMDD

PMDD stands for PreMenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
PMDD is soooo different from PMS.  It's like a different animal of a different species.
PMDD messes with your self confidence, your levels of security and insecurity, your ability or desire to perform daily basic functions....your will to live.

While I'm aware that this blog might make some uncomfortable and a woman's cycle is usually a VERY private matter, the fact remains that when a woman has PMDD, it has to be just the opposite.

It took some time for me to get used to taking about my cycle like it was common daily chatter.  But, I've gotten to a point where, I believe it's necessary for EVERYONE to start talking about PMDD.  There's very little awareness for this disorder and it is changing women's lives all over the world.

I believe some very important ladies in my life have suffered from PMDD.
...especially since there is word this is genetic...

I've watched what the lack of diagnosis and treatment could do to the mind of someone who was once completely sane.  These ladies went undiagnosed, untreated and uninformed. No one should ever have to feel that alone or misunderstood.

I refuse to allow that to continue to happen to any of my PMDD sisters.

I'm looking for awareness...to remove some (if not all) of the taboo and stigma that comes with having a hormonal response to your body's changes.
As PMDD survivors, this IS normal for us....we're different from everyone else.

I've suffered from PMDD for most of my life...and ALL of my adult life.  However, I didn't put the pieces together until I was 30 years old.  ...yep...30.

So for 17 years of my life, this was a HUGE mystery.
It still confuses me on a daily basis but, for the last four years, I've found comfort in knowing it has a name.
I'm understanding MY PMDD more and more each day.  I've found support groups online to be very helpful.  It's comforting to know I AM NOT ALONE.

I usually describe it as "PMS on steroids" but, that doesn't even begin to describe the internal feelings PMDD breeds.  With this blog, I intend to share my personal stories, progress, treatment and it's almost a guarantee that I'll b*tch out here and there....

I can only hope this blog will help shine a little bit of light on to what PMDD does to someone.
My intention is to bring forth understanding and compassion.

As a SURVIVOR of PMDD, I have faced many struggles.  I've pushed through some and walked away from others.

With the caring and understanding of those who love and support me, I WILL survive.

Until next time...
xo